A Cliched Proposal

I've been hearing a lot about car accidents recently and it's made me think. Most of the times that have I cause a car (or go-kart) accident, I'm being moderately responsible. Most accidents that I'm not involved in are caused by irresponsibility of some kind whether it be drinking, putting on makeup, or reading a Michael Crichton novel while driving. The truth is that most people are completely incompetent behind the wheel. That's why I think we should completely rid our towns of cars and come up with a more appropriate solution: an infinitely complex web of single car trams.

We could remove all the roads that are constantly being worked on and lay down durable track that would allow trams to use the entire existing infrastructure. Just jump on a train that's going in the right way and hope it continues to do so. When it starts going the wrong way, jump off and catch another one. It would completely eliminate vehicle theft and all of the trams could be controlled from a central computer eliminating, or at least reducing the number of transportation related fatalities.

There would be drawbacks of course; since the trams would be electrically powered, our power grid would have to work doubletime and we'd end up burning more coal, or processing more uranium at our local powerplants. Still, the carbon monoxide reduced from the obsolescence of car emissions would more than make up for the increase in other greenhouse gases and possible 'unrequested fission surplus events.' Also, because the system would be controlled by a computer, we'd be at the mercy of crackers because as we all know, there is no such thing as a secure computer.

But I think this could be the best solution to an ever increasing problem. I'd really like to see this dream become reality. Write your congressman. Help me change the world, one tram at a time. Just don't touch the middle rail. It's electrified.

Article by Rich Moore