Thanksgiving is such a hollow holiday. What's the point in spending all day cooking a big, expensive piece of poultry just to have it eaten by a family that you feel obligated to be invite to dinner? Nine out of ten people can't even tell you the true meaning of the day. Not that it matters anyway, because the "true meaning" of Thanksgiving was distorted by Franklin Roosevelt during the depression to help stimulate the economy. It's kind of like modern day Christmas is about giving and getting rather than the Holy Spirit and whatnot.
The beginning of Christmas is, of course, marked by Thanksgiving. From here until the 25th of December people will be frantically shopping, caroling, and otherwise spreading "holiday joy." Does Christmas really need a whole month to build up to inevitable disappointment and failure? Christmas should start on December 25 and end the same day. Put up the tree in the morning and take it down at night. That would be so much better than the whole month and a half long greedfest that it is now.
Black Friday, however is a great day. It combines spectacular deals with melee combat shopping to create a really great time for everyone. When else can you get $1000 worth of merchandise for $400 or less? That is, assuming you get in line at 5 AM and wait around for the store to open. Online deals are great too, but you have to be a pretty fast clicker online at exactly midnight to get anything worthwhile.
Now if you'll all excuse me, I have a nice, big dinner to eat.
Article by Rich Moore
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
If I Was Jack Thompson
Here are just a few of the things I might be inclined to say if I was Jack Thompson:
Easy Bake Ovens cause young girls to become homemakers, rather than valuable members of society.
Still cameras cause children to develop voyeurism fetishes.
Computers cause children to become super hackers, who will inevitably destroy everything we know.
Automobiles train kids to perform hit and runs, and in severe cases, drive-by shootings.
Audio equipment gives kids unfounded hope that they can one day become a musician.
Money turns our youth into cash crazed criminals.
No one hits anyone in the head with a wrench unless they're a hitman or a mechanic.
Baby dolls are a pedophile's paradise.
"Better Homes and Gardens" contains beds, hot tubs, kitchen tables, shag carpeting, gardens, and loveseats, all of which can be used in sexual situations, and thus should be banished to the darkest corner of 'adult entertainment' stores.
Using shampoo is an escapist activity and you’re being exploited by these companies. It's not healthy.
Mattel has led the planet in the distribution of mainstream porn.
Do you need an IQ below room temp to watch TV and talk about it?
Halloween makeup kits are nothing more than prostitution simulators.
BMW is not a word, as it is in serious need of a vowel movement.
Carpet gives our kids unrealistic expectations for their feet.
God is not pleased with Lays Potato Chips right now.
Article by Rich Moore
Easy Bake Ovens cause young girls to become homemakers, rather than valuable members of society.
Still cameras cause children to develop voyeurism fetishes.
Computers cause children to become super hackers, who will inevitably destroy everything we know.
Automobiles train kids to perform hit and runs, and in severe cases, drive-by shootings.
Audio equipment gives kids unfounded hope that they can one day become a musician.
Money turns our youth into cash crazed criminals.
No one hits anyone in the head with a wrench unless they're a hitman or a mechanic.
Baby dolls are a pedophile's paradise.
"Better Homes and Gardens" contains beds, hot tubs, kitchen tables, shag carpeting, gardens, and loveseats, all of which can be used in sexual situations, and thus should be banished to the darkest corner of 'adult entertainment' stores.
Using shampoo is an escapist activity and you’re being exploited by these companies. It's not healthy.
Mattel has led the planet in the distribution of mainstream porn.
Do you need an IQ below room temp to watch TV and talk about it?
Halloween makeup kits are nothing more than prostitution simulators.
BMW is not a word, as it is in serious need of a vowel movement.
Carpet gives our kids unrealistic expectations for their feet.
God is not pleased with Lays Potato Chips right now.
Article by Rich Moore
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
A Glance Into the Future: Trees
Are trees really necessary in today's society? They block helpful rays of light from the sun, impede our ability to build shelter, and shed small parts of themselves on a yearly basis. Trees are an easy target to become a home for pests such as squirrels, stray cats, and birds. In the opinion of top scientific minds (i.e. myself) the costs of trees in Earth's current stage of development greatly outweigh the benefits.
Many people will probably whine something like: "But trees are needed to make oxygen to breathe. Blah. Blah. Blah." The truth is that all plants produce oxygen, no matter how small. The oxygen produced by the average sized lawn is likely sufficient to sustain the family who owns it. Many people have flower gardens in their yard, all of which produce oxygen. Even having a few houseplants sitting around would provide oxygen that could be used to sustain life. This is all assuming our society will still rely on plants to provide oxygen for us in upcoming years.
Machines exist that can mimic plants' natural ability to convert carbon dioxide into breathing oxygen. All we have to do is invest some money into building these facilities somewhere out of the way, say underground. That way we can utilize the entire surface of the planet without worrying about cutting down rainforests and the such. Not only will this increase the amount of people our planet can support and aid in the relief of overpopulation, but it will also dramatically decrease the amount of greenhouse gasses produced by lawn care machines.
Many people would also argue that trees have a natural beauty that magically gives them some worth. The beauty of a tree, however can be expressed in a simple non-linear equation and reproduced infinitely in three dimensions using existing computer technology. Why have one or two physical trees outside your house when you can have any number of virtual trees accessible from the comfort of your favorite chair?
Considering these points, I think we can all agree that trees are a thing of the past and are only standing in the way of the natural progression of our struggling planet.
Article by Rich Moore
Many people will probably whine something like: "But trees are needed to make oxygen to breathe. Blah. Blah. Blah." The truth is that all plants produce oxygen, no matter how small. The oxygen produced by the average sized lawn is likely sufficient to sustain the family who owns it. Many people have flower gardens in their yard, all of which produce oxygen. Even having a few houseplants sitting around would provide oxygen that could be used to sustain life. This is all assuming our society will still rely on plants to provide oxygen for us in upcoming years.
Machines exist that can mimic plants' natural ability to convert carbon dioxide into breathing oxygen. All we have to do is invest some money into building these facilities somewhere out of the way, say underground. That way we can utilize the entire surface of the planet without worrying about cutting down rainforests and the such. Not only will this increase the amount of people our planet can support and aid in the relief of overpopulation, but it will also dramatically decrease the amount of greenhouse gasses produced by lawn care machines.
Many people would also argue that trees have a natural beauty that magically gives them some worth. The beauty of a tree, however can be expressed in a simple non-linear equation and reproduced infinitely in three dimensions using existing computer technology. Why have one or two physical trees outside your house when you can have any number of virtual trees accessible from the comfort of your favorite chair?
Considering these points, I think we can all agree that trees are a thing of the past and are only standing in the way of the natural progression of our struggling planet.
Article by Rich Moore
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